new blog

I've moved my blog to wordpress. You can access it @ petermaclauchlan.wordpress.com hope to see you there!


Pete

“faith must precede all effort to understand... faith comes first to the hearing ear, not to the cogitating mind”

I've been reading this book by A.W. Tozer called "Knowledge of the Holy", initially not because I wanted to, but because on my ordination application I have to mention 3 books that have taught me about holiness and I needed a third. Though it is a little bit wordy and pretty intense, I am glad that I am reading it.

I have the opportunity to speak to a group of high schoolers and middle schoolers each week. Which is really a great opportunity, but can be intimidating at times. Not so much because they're students, but because I am responsible with giving them, most likely, the only dose of the Bible that they will hear of in a week. I am part of God's communication to them each week.

I have a hard time defining myself. Am I more left brained or right brained? Am I more creative or more logical? I think it is hard for me to 'define' myself because of my deep desire to be a people pleaser, and with that I try to be everything to everyone. I like to create, but I also like logic. I like to be by myself, but I love being around people. My personality tests are always pretty close to the median in all categories. When approaching the truth I speak to students each week, I have a hard time plotting out how to say what I know to be true.

When I work on a message to speak either to students or a church congregation, I always feel like I do a better job when I 'feel' what I am speaking about. Recently I had the opportunity to speak in our sunday morning service and I 'felt' God wanted me to speak on Satan, I didn't know exactly how to do it, but that's what I knew I had to talk about. All that week I struggled with what to say and how to say it, to not just say the christian cliches or to just to give 3 steps to overcome Satan. By Saturday afternoon I 'felt' it, in my heart I could 'feel' what I believe God wanted to say & I was excited about saying it. I could see the faces of people in the church and what this truth from God would mean to them. I 'felt' it was meaningful and relevant and true.

When I was reading this book by Tozer and came across this quote, “faith must precede all effort to understand... faith comes first to the hearing ear, not to the cogitating mind”, I realized this is what the 'feeling' is. In my ministry I struggle with what to say and how to say it because I don't just want to spit out cliches or common Christian lessons, but I want to give them the Truth because I know it's true, I've felt it and I am excited about it.

To experience God in heart, soul, and mind tastes so much sweeter, than the blandness of reading Him like an encyclopedia.

hairball

3rd May 2007

I started reading Velvet Elvis, Rob Bell’s 1st book a couple days ago. I was recommended to by a couple of people & I believe it’s a great book so far. It’s hard for me to put it down, but Nicki is reading it along with me and I have to wait for her to catch up before I read any further.
When I began to read the first chapter and he started to talk about how the Christian life is like a trampoline, I thought this was just going to be a dumb illustration that he was using to just make himself sound intelligent. Because honestly, you can use pretty much any object or method to relate to the Christian life. My friend Jared & I used to joke about this all the time. And on a side note when Rob Bell mentioned the trampoline thing, I remembered a joke that one of my college professors, Ken Schenck, read in a class one time. “If you ever open up a store that sells trampolines, you might not want to call it ‘Tramp-o-land’, you might get the wrong kind of customers”.
Anyways, but after reading this chapter I loved it. I think it was one of the realest interpretations of how God wants us to live life. I’m still letting it marinate in my mind & I think I might read it again. At the end of the chapter, he basically concludes by saying God just wants us to jump and to enjoy life & to include others in jumping with us. It just made me smile when I read it. It’s simple, but it’s true. God wants us to have joy, that’s what gives him joy. I think this makes life easier.
Because I couldn’t wait any longer, I read the 2nd chapter “yoke” (this is why I have to wait before I read any further, Nicki has to catch up). This chapter was hard for me. I felt like a little kid in front of a cake who’s parents are telling me to smash my hands & hands into it, but I hesitate because I’m not sure if it’s really okay. What he says about scripture & current prophets is hard for me to go along with. I think it’s because I’ve been taught for so long that scripture is the sole source of truth & that everything comes second to that. But as I read that chapter everything in my head was being convinced of what he was saying. I mean we do bring our own interpretations & perceptions of what scripture tells us, that’s why we have denominations in the Church. But this is still hard for me to swallow. It’s still soaking in my brain. I need to read it again. I love how it’s making me challenge what I believe.
There’s 2 more weeks of weekly youth programs. We just had our ‘salvation night’ last week in middle school and a few students wanted to accept Christ into their lives. That was cool to be a part of that, but I still felt weird preaching the ol’ salvation message. The overall point of my message was pretty simple, God has this perfect house that we all want to be in, but we’re too dirty to get in. Even if we try to clean ourselves, we’re still not clean enough. It’s only through Jesus that we can be clean enough to get into God’s perfect house. That’s why we need Jesus
Now I believe this is a true message, but it’s incomplete. Like I’ve been saying for the past couple months, salvation is more than just a ticket into heaven. We’ve been having a bunch of middle school kids (who I was pretty sure weren’t Christians) coming to our weekly program, which was awesome. So I felt like we needed to offer the opportunity to become followers of Christ. But I think the true complete message of salvation can’t be fully communicated in a message or a weekly youth program, but it must be lived out alongside these students & besides that I can’t preach what I’m not doing now. I think that over the next few months we’ll begin to learn together what salvation is really about.

Pete

Let's try this again...

Well I haven't blogged in a long time, but I've tried to start journaling to try to gather my thoughts, move them outside of my head, & to use them to make life better than it was before. So I thought maybe I could combine my blogging & journaling into 1 task- that's great time management, courtesy of IWU church leadership class under Drury. Anyways most of the people that would read my blog are people I respect and trust and I could care less of what some random dude would say about what I post. So I'm going to post my journal entries & friends I value your comments & insight into what I'm thinking & struggling with. Here are my last 3 journal entries...

Pete


What now?
21st April 2007

It’s been almost 2 weeks since I last wrote, this journalling thing is hard when I get busy. Anyways, last weekend Nicole, some HS students, and I went to the Fusion youth conference at Indiana Wesleyan. It was a great conference, a lot better than last year in my opinion. In my last entry I mentioned how I felt that God was trying to keep telling me something & He kept speaking during this conference. During the messages, during my alone time, & even during one of the youth pastor’s seminars- God was speaking the same issue to me. This idea that God wants to use us, in my case- students, to be the tools of his salvation.
One comment that I encountered at this conference was through Charlie Alcock at the youth pastor’s seminar. He was telling us an illustration that he had read in another book and it resonated deeply within me to the point of almost bringing tears to my eyes. Charlie illustrated the similar experience that all of us have undergone when there’s a point when we’re eating where we become full and the food no longer seems appetizing, it actually might gross us out- even just a whiff of it could make us lose our lunch. He related it to how many students, especially those in the church, have been fed and fed with the Bible, the Church, & our conceptions of what a Christian life is so that they’re to the point of where they can’t take anymore because they’re full. When we’re physically full, we need to go and work it off- to exercise, after which we’ll want more food. And the same goes for our spiritual obesity. I believe this is so true- for me and for the students to whom I serve. So many of us need to work off what we’ve eaten, before we can eat more. So simple, yet it gets me excited right now thinking of what would happen if we actually did it.
So now I’m stuck. I feel like I’m dating a girl that I know I have to break it off with because I see the one I’m supposed to be with. I have no problem breaking it off, but I’m not so sure how to go about dating the new girl. I have 5 weeks left in studentIMPACT on Wednesday & Sunday Nights & I don’t know if I should push for this change during these last few weeks or start in the summer or even in September. But if I decide to wait, then what do I talk about for the next few weeks. I can’t keep teaching them the gospel filled with reading our Bibles, going to Church, & being good people. I want to challenge them & me to save the world (at least how God wants us to). But how the heck do I cast this vision? Where do I start? I don’t want to wait too long and lose this passion, this gift from God, but how do I do it? What now? I feel like God is moving me from teacher to leader, in some ways they’re the same, but in others very different. God be with me, help me to be real & to not shy away from anything difficult, but to approach this with fear and confidence in You. I love you God, thank you for trusting me with this passion.


Life Savers
10th April 2007

Like I mentioned before, I’ve just finished reading The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claibourne, which was a great read and has spurred some thoughts in my own heart about what following Jesus is really like and how ministry should be done. A couple of days ago I began reading Adventures in Missing the Point a book by Tony Campolo & Brian McLaren, which has sat on my shelf for the past 2-3 years. Though I have only read the first few chapters, it has resonated with me and my questions about the Church, ministry, & myself. I feel like God has been trying to speak to me.
There seems to be an echo of this one idea that I keep hearing, but each time instead of being more faint, it gets clearer and louder. It is the idea of God wanting to save us. When I became a Christian, I knew God was the savior of my soul and saved me from hell by taking away my sins. Since then, that’s pretty much the extent of how I’ve been saved, or at least that’s how I looked at it. Then in college I remember one of my professors, Chris Bounds, saying a few times in class that as he was in seminary or college he thought, “If all Jesus did was save me from hell, then he didn’t do a whole lot for me.” And each time he said that, I kind of dismissed the comment thinking that he was just immature in his faith at that time and thought that getting into heaven wasn’t enough.
But lately I can’t stop thinking about that statement. This past year I’ve been intently trying to read the entire Bible in a year & the past few months, I’ve been working through the Old Testament. As I read the OT, I can’t help but notice how little, if ever, heaven is mentioned as referring to where they go when they die. The OT talks an awful lot about God being the Saver in reference to battles, oppression, slavery, etc, but nothing about saving us from this world.
I finally read Job all the way through for the first time & it was a tough read. Bible scholars say that Job is the oldest book in the Bible, the first book that Moses wrote. Donald Miller in Searching for God Knows What says that maybe why God did this was to show us that in this life we will suffer & that there’s no way around that, but God can and will save us. The more I read and become aware of our world, I realize that there’s a lot of suffering. Not just in foreign countries with poverty, war, AIDS, & famine, but also in our country with depression, despair, divorce, & emptiness. If all God did for us was get us into heaven, maybe he didn’t do a whole lot for us.
I believe God wants to do a whole lot more than that. Jesus came to die for us to bridge the gap of our unrighteousness, but he also came to heal, feed, & love. John 10.10 says that Jesus came to give us the best life possible, not just to get us into heaven. He wants to save us from the suffering that we live in now.
God wants us to use us to save. So many Christians go through their faith like membership in a club- to look, talk, act like you should & to pay your dues. I think people are tired of this. There are better clubs to be in than church- dance clubs, country clubs, etc. But what about being a part of a movement that saves people... that leaves the world better than it was... to make a difference... to heal, feed, & love just like Jesus.
I believe this is what God wants us to do, not just to get people into heaven, because that is just not enough. He wants to use us to save people from the suffering that they’re in now. To set them free to enjoy the life that God has given. What does that look like? I want to know, my prayer is that God would show me. The echos are getting louder and my heart is getting warmer and more filled with a passion to do what I believe God has planned for me.


The First Entry
6th April 2007

I’ve been wanting to develop the habit to journal for a while now. I’ve tried buying a journal and actually writing it out, but that didn’t work too well. I figured since I’m on my computer everyday, I might actually be able to journal everyday if I do it on here. So here goes nothing...
It seems I’m always evaluating myself and the place God has for me in this world. I feel like I haven’t found my niche. I look around at people who seem to be happy and one common thread through them all seems to be that they’ve found something that they’re not only passionate about, but that they’re also gifted at it also. I’ve always thought of myself as a ‘Jack of all trades’ kind of guy. I seem to be pretty decent at most things- music, sports, art, etc. Even my personality is kind of like that too. You know how you always have to take those personality tests in high school and college and they’re supposed to tell you who you really are. The tests tell me that I’m pretty much in the middle for all of them. I’m like 55% introverted and 45% extroverted. As for the choleric, sanguine,... test I’m pretty much in the middle there too. Sometimes I wish I was one of those guys who know without a shadow of a doubt who and what they are. It seems like it would make life so much easier. However, I do delight (maybe pridefully) that I am good at most things.
I just haven’t felt that I’ve found something that I excel at & that at the same time moves my heart to live for it. I have no, or little to no, doubt that God wants me to serve forever through the Church (I at least know for sure that I want to serve Him with my life, all of it). I feel like I’m in limbo still trying to figure out who I am and what I’m supposed to do & I don’t like it. It’s frustrating, depressing, demoralizing, & sometimes it just hurts in ways I don’t know how to explain.
Today I just finished this book by Shane Claibourne called The Irresistible Revolution. To me, it’s a book not only about an attempt of what authentic, Jesus-like Christianity look like, but it’s also about a man who has found the place where his passion & gifts to line up & it’s beautiful. I imagine it’s not always this way, but the impact & difference they are making cannot be done through faking it. He’s the real deal & God has ordained this man to be a prophet that is speaking/living God’s truth.
I want that. Not his passion or gifts, but to know what God has made me for & to be able to do it. That’s my prayer today God. Shine a little light on my path & maybe give me a kick in the ass to get me moving toward it. I love you, & I should probably love you more than I do. As St. Augustine once said, I pray “Lord Jesus, don’t let me lie when I say I love you ... and protect me, for today I could betray you.”

more grace?

"Here is another thing that used to puzzle me. Is it not frightfully unfair that this new life should be confined to people who have heard Christ and been able to believe in Him? But the truth is God has not told us what His arrangements about the other people are. We do know that no man can be saved except through Christ; we do not know that only those who know Him can be saved through Him."

-C.S. Lewis [mere christianity]

In our young adult meetings on sunday nights, we've been peering into Romans, trying to understand what Paul was saying to them and what it means to us. One of the big areas of discussion was in Romans 2. We continue to see this recurring thought that there is a finger of God's grace that reaches outside the walls of evangelical Christianity and into the areas where the picture of God that we see is unseen.

...a young man 12,13 years old growing up in the ghetto of L.A. transitions from elementary school into a gang. All he can see for himself is this gang. His older brother is in it, his parents are gone (or might as well be), and no one else cares about him. He has no knowledge of a better life, ways to get out of this hell, or Jesus. He doesn't want to hurt people, he doesn't want this life, he wants to do better. does God's grace reach him?

...a muslim mother of 3, living in Afghanistan. She's lived there for her entire life, grew up in the Islamic culture, reads her Koran everyday. According to her religion and culture, she's a good muslim woman, a picture of what to be. In her culture she is right, we are wrong. Just like we think we're right and she is wrong. does God's grace reach her?

...etc.

There's probably no way to know the answer to that question while we're here. Just a thought. I can't help but feel like Lewis did; that this gift that I've been given seems too good to be limited to only those who've seen a good picture of Jesus. I mean I don't get credit for growing up in a Christian country, or a Christian area, or living near a Christian that invites people to church, or for going to a church where people actually care about your relationship with Jesus. So why should it be their fault for growing up somewhere else?

"For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous. (Indeed when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do the things required by the law, they are a law for themselves...)"

Paul [rom 2.13-14]

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves. It is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast."

Paul [eph 2.8-9]

I think that God let Paul in on a little bit of the secret that there's more grace going on than we think.

matthew 22.34-40

pete

cheeseburgers, starbucks, and weirdness

Life is weird.

I have come to the conclusion that life is a journey of give and take. When I was 17, I thought life was perfect. I had just finished high school, I was single (and loving it), and I could eat 3 double cheeseburgers from Mcdonalds in one sitting and not gain a pound. Like I said, life is weird and for some reason I left the place, people, and lifestyle that I loved to move to somewhere far, unknown, and sickeningly flat (yes, that's a word... I spellchecked it).

I eventually came to dislike the weather, landscape, and nothingness of Indiana, but appreciate the university, environment, and community of someplace far, unknown, and sickeningly flat. I found myself in the same predicament 4 years later than when I graduated high school. Though I was ready to move on and start my "life", there was so much at college that I didn't want to lose.

As I'm sitting here typing wandering thoughts onto this screen, sipping on my cold, starbucks coffee, and listening to Norah Jones, I can't help but remember the late nights at the Starbucks in Kokomo, Indiana knowingly failing at accomplishing homework while having more important heartfelt conversations about love, life, and everything in between with Beck, Jared, and occasionally "crazy fingers" Juli (I don't know if I'd ever called her that, but it was the first nickname that came to mind).

As I have that thought I can't help but chuckle at the fact that I'm actually in Kalamazoo, Michigan, living in this house by myself, and trying to act like I know what I'm doing as a pastor.

Life is weird.

But you know what, I love it. Sure, I miss Jared, Beck, the staff, all my house buddies (even Jeremy... Wait, no nevermind, I take that back). I miss tossing the "B", late nights at Starbucks, not having a 1 on 1's with Jmak all year, and hotshots golf until 2 in the morning. Life goes on, or so they say. We give up some things in exchange for others. I had to give up college community for a different kind of community; I had to give up freedom for my summers for purpose in full time ministry, and I will have to give up singleness for lifelong companionship with a woman I adore and love.

Constantly God is showing me that tension is not a bad thing, in fact it's the opposite. Those times of uncomfortableness and uncertainty are the times where God can work the most. I took this ministry position with a primary emphasis in middle school, not because it's my favorite area or because I feel the most equipped for it. Actually I'm scared to death about working with those dang kids. Sure God uses our strengths and passions to guide us and move us into areas of service, but I am convinced that God works the best through our weaknesses because those are the places where we are less likely to rely on our own talents, but rather to seek God's strength and guidance. I know it seems simple, but contradictory at the same time, but it makes sense.

God has moved me to places of uncertainty and uncomfortableness, and those have been the places where I have received the greatest fulfillment and joy. Don't shy away from those areas where you don't feel the strongest in, but seek God's strength and push through the tension and see what happens. Strength only comes through tension and pain.

I think life is supposed to be weird, if it wasn't we'd get bored.

I love and miss you guys.

Matthew 22:34-40
Pete

intermission

The blog hasn't been one of my primary concerns over the past few weeks. Between spring break, RA retreat, Easter break, and working on my final sermon, I haven't had too much time or been too focused. I'm looking forward to getting back into it and ideas are already culminating as to what to write in the near future.

Matthew 22:34-40
Pete